Tuesday, July 21, 2009

It's in the stars

WARNING: This blog post has nothing to do with writing, books, life, or really anything productive at all. In fact, I wrote it yesterday after having a loooong day where I got zero--zip, zilch, nada--done on my WIP.

Yes, I wasted a perfectly good 10 minutes of computer time looking at my daily horoscope. And then 10 more minutes blogging about it.

Someone's tweet started me thinking about horoscopes. The stars are the same for me today, so in theory I should be able to look up a bunch of horoscopes in different places and they should be similar, right?

"A Ha!" said my writer's mind which jumps at the slightest chance to procrastinate. "Let's test that theory out!"

And here are my horoscopes for Monday (from different sources):

!. You need to show off a little of that flexibility you've got in spades. It's a good day for you to offer to take on extra work or to see about getting yourself back on track with a friend.

(Ha ha ha! The reason I *didn't* get anything done today was babysitting for 9 hours for a friend. So obviously I should have offered to take on even *more* work.)

2. You will find this Monday a high achievement day. This is a time of decision--small changes can have big effects later on down the road. Make the right choice and it rebounds to your benefit; the wrong choice does you no favors. You are very communicative today and talking, writing, broadcasting . . . even by car, may interest you. Careful, a news story, or piece of gossip may need holding back for a while. You are happiest today when you are absorbed in the variety and complexity of life. You naturally are a giving person, sacrificing your own interests for the sake of an inner vision--what you feel is right. Today you may be guiding someone younger than you in matters of importance. You will certainly be pleased by the opportunities this day brings forth.

(Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.) (Did I mention this was wrong?)

3. You will be in good health and have lots of vitality. You will be in full control, on top form, vigorous, powerful, resistant and dynamic. You might spend all your energy in your professional life. Success is guaranteed. (So far I don't even care if this is true. I like it!) You will want to distinguish yourself from other people by a new attitude to life. You would be able to create something original, novel, singular. (Yes. Tell me more!) You will be in great form. You will realize your plans with verve and impetuousness. The world belongs to you and nothing can stop you in flight. You will be successful, that's for sure.

(Wowsers! I freaking *love* this horoscope! Even if it's some teenager pounding out drivel late at night while half-asleep. This one has my vote of the one I want to be my horoscope.)

4. Your high energy and discipline will enable you to complete any seemingly insurmountable tasks. Colleagues may try to undermine you when talking to superiors. Heart to heart talks will clear up vague issues.

(Whaa....??? How about a heart to heart talk with the stars to clear up this vague horoscope.)

5. You could be setting yourself up for disappointment, but your reasoning is so effective now that your words can weave an invisible protective shell around you. You'll probably come out on top in the long run, but it's frustrating when you are in touch with feelings of scarcity. It may seem like a stretch to change your attitude by just changing your mind, but you have the power to do it.

(Ohhh-kay... I guess I need an attitude adjustment.)

6. An early start puts you a step ahead of the competition. Try not to let little things irritate your relations with a close tie. What a difference a daring new attitude and a new start can make!

(I think this one just plagiarized the last one.)

7. You may be in a crabby mood, but that's no reason to bring everyone down.

(Okay, now I'm a believer.)


Kimberly said...

Nothing like a good snigger to start the day off right...

L.T. Elliot said...

Was this a collection of horoscopes or just one really long one? I will admit, I got kind of lost in it. I heard good things but I was confused by all the directions you're supposed to be heading in. Or out. Or maybe I'm just tired. =]

ElanaJ said...

I like horoscopes, but yeah. Pick and choose the ones you like, right? LOL!

Deborah said...

I have a hard time with the notion that the stars have enough intelligence to know what our day is going to bring.

Of course if they're named something like Susan or Barbra then they can tell us all they want what we should do.